Its been a while

I got a job that now takes up 40+ hours of my life each week and it cuts into my blog time, hence why I haven't posted since september. This semester of school I'm just trying to survive until I can move out of my current situation into a place where I get my own room....its time...


ok so photo update:











My cousin got married on new years eve, I was the maid of honor! this is from the bachelorette party

The wedding party


The little man got his first skateboard! and turned 3 last week!!!!!

Day 13 Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear All I've caused pain or hurt,

I know in all situations of my life I've felt sorry for ever causing someone pain or hurt or even inconvenience. I would hope that everyone out there would be able to forgive me even if it takes time. I have been through a good amount of hurt caused by others and have been able to forgive them and I hope the same would go for you, I love and care about you whoever you are and whatever walk of life you are in.

Love, Amarie

harumph

Secrets secrets everywhere
and not an eye to see
I'll hold your hand you hold the mirror
to see what this will be.


Catch 22.

Picture of the Day

My computer crashed a couple months ago and I lost all progress with my pictures a day, and then my camera broke so I guess I just gave up on it. A few days ago I realized how much I enjoyed doing it and started up again. here are all the ones I have so far:
8/27/2010

8/28/2010

8/29/2010

8/30/2010

8/31/2010


9/1/2010

Day 12 The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

you,

I don't hate you, despite all the pain you've caused me, and the stumbling blocks you've presented in my life. I know I've overcome them now, and have positively moved past all that happened. I don't hold any animosity towards you so you don't have that power over me anymore. I forgive you for it all, as angry as you still are. You need to move on to be happy and I wish you could see that but you always were obstinate.....
Stop trying to sabotage all your opportunities for happiness and a good life, you know you deserve better then how you treat yourself. I hope you grow up and figure your world out in the process. I wish you all the best in any endeavors that come your way, whether self-created or otherwise.

Amarie

Day 11 A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Bud,

I really miss you more and differently as time goes on. There are so many moments I experience where I stop and think how much fun you'd have or how excited I would be to tell you about it. There are so many issues that come up in my life both academically and spiritually that I wish I had you to council me on, you were always the wisest most well read person I knew. It makes me sad that I cant introduce you to all these wonderful new people in my life, but I know you really are in a better place. Yo and Ben miss you more then anyone else, and its good to have people to reminisce with. I just have to keep thinking and believing that you can see everything from where you are now, and that you're continuing to watch me grow. I miss you and I love you.

Love, Amarie

Day 10 Your Ex-boyfriend

Panda,

I think that no matter what has happened between us you still know me better then anyone else. You really do know all my dirty little secrets, mostly because you've been a part of a good chunk of them, and I trust you more then most people. I will always care about you, even when I try to come off as apathetic, know that its a lie. I know our lives would be very different and probably still intertwined if I had made different choices and if our decisions hadn't drifted us apart like they did, even if the drift was only enough to cause us to not date.....I still think of you as one of my closest friends, and I'm glad we can still not only be civil with each other but continue to have a mutual friendship and understanding. I feel so scatterbrained writing this letter but you know I've always been this way. Certain things still remind me of you, and cause me to miss you and all our fun times together. We really were two peas in a pod, and I'm happy that we're both still peas even if the pod is bigger then it used to be....ha. It never takes me long to come back to you, even in friendship or whatever you want to label it as. You're the one person who I've always felt the most comfortable around and that still hasn't changed, I love never having to explain myself to you because you just get it and you always have. I love talking to you now because you remind me that I'm still the same Ames and you still know me. I know I say it too much but I really am sorry for some of the fucked up things we went through because of me, even though we never really fought, I know my choices have hurt you and it means a lot to me that you've forgiven me and still care about me. You're incredible, always have been always will be, and I always love it when we do cross paths. I can't predict the future but I can tell you that I will always think of you fondly and I hope you're never truly out of my life for good. You have one of the best hearts I know and I will always be proud to have dated you and to know you better then most everyone else. I hope you continue to be the happy guy I know you are, you really do deserve the best.

Love, Peanut
P.s. try touching your pinky to your thumb and then stopping. just try. :)

Day 9 Someone you wish you could meet

I can't for the life of me think of someone who I wish I could meet, I know who my friends are and they're awesome. I know I will meet more awesome people in the future, and that is just great with me.

<3

Day 8 Your favorite internet friend

I don't have any individuals that I actually consider friends that I only know from the internet, or only have contact to online. But there are people who's blogs I follow so this letter will be to one of those.

Dear Elsie Flannigan,

Your blog and life story continues to inspire me, in my opinion you are living the dream, with craft fairs, online classes, your own store in Missouri. I admire your courage and how you know what you want and then just go for it, because you know it means more to do what you love then something mediocre. So thank you for being awesome and I will continue to read your blog and be inspired to follow my dreams as well.

Love, Amarie

Day 7 Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

My Dearest Anonymous Darling,

I have considered you one of my best friends since that first magical night when we talked forever, despite the depressing topic and incidence that brought us together. Our lives seem to rarely cross paths anymore, and it makes even phone calls difficult to accomplish. I miss you more then you know, I miss the days when I saw you daily, walked with you daily, and ate with you daily. It was so simple then, being so close took almost no effort, as if we were meant to always be there for each other. I am trying and I know you are too, to never loose what we have, even when outside factors try to tear us apart. We are stronger than them, what we have is more powerful and lasting. If I could I'd see you everyday and be content, and maybe someday we'll be back to that place. We've been through so many other tough times before and availed and this is no different. I love you deeply and dearly and I always will, no matter what and you know that with all your heart.
May your life continue to bring you happiness and I hope you continue to surround yourself with happy smiley infectious people (you once referred to me as one of those)
I miss you and will never forget all you've done for me.

with all the love I posses,
Your Forever Best Friend

Day 6 A Stranger

Dear You,

Take your time, don't make hasty decisions. Decide now who you want to rule your world, your heart or your mind, because, baby, it makes all the difference. Escapism only helps in the short run of things, your problems can always seem to run as fast or faster then you and they're masters at hide and go seek. Look to the people left and right, we shouldn't look for a change in the sky. It's a life we share, we must dispel that illusion here. The biggest step and the hardest stretch is to find the peace within ourselves... Sometimes, loving a person isn't enough to make a relationship work, trust me, I've lived a few examples. If you get to know me I promise I'm not that terrible of a person, no matter how I look on paper, but don't fall in love with me. Loving a free thing is pointless and will only end in heartbreak. I wish I could give you more advice but I'm so exhausted right now I can't see straight.

Love, Amarie

Day 5 My dreams

Dear Dreams,

I know you, I know what I want; and I make it my goal to achieve you. My bucket list will be completed eventually, I plan to accomplish that. I promise to follow and fulfill you as best I can. I know the big one of Med school is the hardest for me to follow, and I bounce around with whether or not I'll go, but I believe it will mean more to me to accomplish that then whatever else I'd choose to do instead and therefore I will try my best to make that my ultimate goal right now. I constantly decide I can't accomplish you because there's so many of you and they're all complicated, as are my ambitions and I need to have more self confidence with that, I hope to someday lean back in my rocking chair and be able to say: "welp my dreams all came true, I did everything I wanted to, went everywhere I wanted to go and met all the people I could and yes it was hard work but its worth it now". I have the drive, I know I can do it, I'm more motivated then ever right now in my life.
In regards to my daydreams, I let my mind drift to all those scary and elusive "what ifs" my life could hold. I know you're in my head and shouldn't convince myself of false realities even when it seems easier. You're not real, and I need to face reality and not lie to myself about who I am, how I process things, or what I feel. I think you help me create false emotions and mess with my heart and my head. You cause me to over think most everything in life and I will choose to ignore you as best I can.

Love, Amarie

Day 4 My Sibling

Dear Andy,

You were my best friend growing up, I want to be you so badly, I thought you were the coolest thing ever. I always looked up to you and I will continue to do so. You've always set a good example for me and even when you mess up and make mistakes I learn from them. Brother, you're a great guy, with many talents, and I'm so proud of you, for graduating, for pursuing a career that I know you'll love, and following your heart. I am so sorry we don't cross paths as much anymore and that our lives are so busy we have trouble finding time to even talk, I miss you so much but I know we will see each other soon. Don't get into too much trouble, and try not to break too many hearts even though we both know that Grindstaff charm makes us irresistible.

Love, Ames

Day 3 My Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

Ive always appreciated you guys being so honest with me about the realities of human personality and nature, as well as relationships. You've watched me make many mistakes and just let me go as the free thing I am and when I'm caught like a deer in headlights you help me find my way. As hard as its been on you, you've always done whats best for me even when it hurt you and I'm grateful. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but I'll always love you.

Love, Amarie

Day 2 My Crush

Dear My Crush,

With your head pounding harder than your heart, and you feel that you're stuck where you are. With your lungs filled with smoke, and you know that you're heading towards the dark. When it seems like this scene never ends, then the least you can do is pretend that the life you've been living is leading you out of the dark. We have so little time, let's not spend it in anger. I'm stuck in between two worlds in a maze of dreams and thoughts. What a bittersweet symphony life is but I wouldn't have it any other way. Our stories have since been written, but what I question is, at who's decision? It's hidden in the mystery of our adjusted history. Where we only find misery. But I know it doesn't stop what we can be. Our hope is exponential if we can reach our full potential.

why stop dreaming when you wake up?

Time flies by....

I found this picture on my computer and couldn't believe how fast time flies by, my munchkins grow up so fast, its hard to stop and savor each moment and stage they go through.

Molly, Natalie and I in 2006




This is us last weekend.....all the sudden they're so grown up

Day 1 My Best Friend

My darling Erin,

You can not possibly have any idea how much you mean to me, and how much I value you being in my life despite all the things we've been through. I will never understand how you can continue to be my best friend in spite of the fact that you've seen me in my lowest moments, watched me make some of the worst choices and royally mess up my life, to the point where I pushed you away. And yet you always welcomed me back with open arms, making me feel like the prodigal son, this just makes it so evident to me how big and generous your heart is, how incredible and caring of a person you are. Even though I've screwed up time and time again, and you've watched me destroy myself you've never left me, you're always supportive. There are many moments we've shared that I'll never forget, me trying to convince you to tell me who you liked in 6th grade by using your sleep talking as a weapon, hanging out at FMT concerts, random church events, and how distant we were in high school. And then college came, I grew up and started acting (a little) more responsible and you welcomed me back not only into your life but into your home, and now we're roommates. This past year has been the best of my life, and I attribute a good huge chunk of that to you, how goofy and creative you are, how much fun we can have doing absolutely nothing and yet laughing our butts off at 3am for no reason. You're the kindest person I know, you always put others before yourself and I commend you for that because sometimes I can be selfish, you try so hard to be the best person you can be and in my book you're the top, the bee's knees. I am so sorry for all I've ever done that's hurt you or made you angry, I am trying so hard from this point on in our lives to be the best friend I can possibly be for you, because you deserve the best. I have to thank you profusely for the times when you've held my hand when I needed you to, and helped me take steps in my life that I don't think I could have done alone, I know that the place I'm in right now with my relationship with God and with myself is because of how you've helped me and been a shining example throughout my life, you've done more for me then anyone else I know and I am so blessed to have you in my life and I will never loose you again, no matter where we are or what we go through, be it living in different countries, or marriage, or hardships, because we've proven time and time again that our friendship will last no matter what hits us. You truly are my sister and my best friend, through thick and thin. I love you Erin, don't you ever forget that you wonderful wonderful girl.

Love, your Ames
P.S. WE GET TO LIVE TOGETHER

M.I.A.

I've been M.I.A. recently and no, I don't mean the singer. I started this blog wanting to have a place to document my pictures and thoughts, a place where I could just be me and not care (isn't thats what the internet is for? anonymity?) So I decided to do one of those 30 days of blogging challenges despite the fact that my next 30 days are incredibly busy, I need this challenge to force myself to spend time with me which I have trouble with. I had a friend who did a 30 days of letters challenge and I thought that one sounded the most fun, I plan to include pictures as best I can, despite the fact that I've also been lacking on taking them recently (again, a needed challenge)

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your Parents
Day 4 -- Your Sibling (or close relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Your Ex-boyfriend
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror


so here goes, I'll do my best!

Vacation!

Matt and I went on vacation! we flew in to Kansas city, stayed with his parents for a week and then drove to Monogahala, Penn. and on the way we stopped to visit various family members, fun antique stores and the occasional bathroom :) it was good bonding time and we had lots of goofy moments.
This is Matt's grandparents house in Pennsylvania, its gorgeous there

fun antique store

Matt played some piano

this place was HUUUGE I kid you not, biggest antique mall I've ever set foot in



I love porch swings

ok I almost wept when matt dragged me away from this section of an antique store in Ohio....so many pretty owls needing homes!

We went to German Village near Columbus Ohio, everything was made of brick it was so beautiful!

My Uncle and Matt played some awesome music together

:) my favorite state

My cousins room in Omaha, this is maaaaybe 1/10 of his collection

my cousin lives in this super cute 1950s apartment building, her place is so adorable and clean








my favorite place to eat back east besides Culvers







Life is busier then ever